Are you struggling to get started with goal setting? Do you want to improve an area of your life by setting some goals, but you’re not sure where to start?

This week we look at romance. This one is slightly more polarizing than other areas we have covered. If you have no romantic interest in your life right now, and you really don’t want one, then just skip this part.

So, if you are still with us, then whatever your Facebook status – single, married, have a partner or “it’s complicated”, there are some standard themes people generally set goals on.

For romance these goals tend to fall into two groups:

1. Questions around the right person. Is the person you are with right for you? If single, who would that person be? Do you feel you have “Settled”? If so, are you clear-eyed about your decision and the reasons for it? Do you really want a change? Do you want to find someone new, get a divorce, end a relationship that is going nowhere, start a new one, find someone new? People set many goals in the area of getting themselves into the right relationship, even if that is just with themselves.
2. Once in a relationship how to make it better, or move it forward. There are many, many people who do not want a radical change. They love their partner, they are with the right one. But they would like some improvements. One common failure here is that people often set relationship goals which essentially involve the other person changing in some fashion.

Trying to change other people does not work – or at least not in the blunt ways people expect it to. In few others areas is the truth of goal setting so very clear – you should only set goals which involve changing your own behaviour. You cannot set goals for someone else to change theirs.

That is not as grim or hopeless as it seems. There are many, many resources out there for people looking to strengthen and grow a romantic relationship the right way. But they all start with you leading, and modelling the kind of behaviours you would like to see. If you want your partner to be kind, maybe try being kind to them first?

Hope this helped, comment below. What romantic changes are you looking for?